Be respectful, not healthy

 Stop referring to relationships as "healthy" or "unhealthy."

If someone is being abusive, say "abusive," not "unhealthy."

If someone is being disrespectful, say "disrespectful," not "unhealthy."

If two or more people have a happy, mutually respectful, mutually satisfying relationship, say their relationship is "happy, mutually respectful, and mutually satisfying," not "healthy."

There is a reason that the nebulous terms "healthy" and "unhealthy" have replaced these other terms, and it's precisely because "healthy" is a nebulous concept that can be, and often is, applied oppressively.

"Yelling at your partner is disrespectful" centers your and your partner's personhood, dignity, and rights, while "Yelling at your partner is unhealthy" centers the platonic ideal of "health" (constructed to center abled neurotypicality).

The premise that the most important feature of a relationship is "healthiness" (rather than, say, happiness or respect) also lends itself to the conclusion that abusive or disrespectful behavior is okay if it's motivated by "health." Nagging your partner to eat their vegetables is undeniably disrespectful, but maybe it's okay if your goal is a "healthy" relationship rather than a respectful one. It also lends itself to the conclusion that rude, disrespectful, or abusive behavior is a result of some sort of mental or emotional "unhealthiness" rather than a chosen behavior.

Leave this ableist usage in 2018.