Family burdens

 A point that's often overlooked in discourse about disabled people as "burdens" on their families is that, with a very few exceptions (all of which necessitate the consent of the family member), family members are not required to contribute, financially or otherwise, to the upkeep of their disabled adult relatives.

With the exception of parents/guardians of minor children, family members of patients aren't billed for patients' medical care. Patients are.

Nothing requires anyone to spend any money on their adult relatives, disabled or otherwise.

Nothing requires anyone to expend any effort on -- or even be in contact with -- their adult relatives, disabled or otherwise.

A common argument for killing disabled people is that our family members go broke paying for our medical care. But they don't have to. I don't mean "In a decent society, medical care would be free at point of use," although that's true too; I mean, literally, no one is forcing you to accept responsibility for your disabled relative's medical bills.

A common argument for incarcerating disabled people in nursing homes or other institutions is that disabled people's parents, siblings, or adult children shouldn't have to care for them.

That's true. They shouldn't.

And they don't.

Nothing requires family members of disabled people to be their relatives' caregiver or provider. Nothing stops family members of disabled people from cutting off their disabled relatives without a word, without a cent, without a by-your-leave.

Your disabled relative's existence does not impose any obligations on you, financial or otherwise. Your disabled relative's freedom to make their own choices does not cost you a cent or a minute of your time.

Now, this is the part where people say "Hey, I'm not a heartless monster! I'm not going to let Grandpa starve! Because no one else will help my disabled relative, of course I have to do it!"

This is true. Most people who aren't heartless and aren't completely estranged from their relatives do feel obligated to help family members in need, whether helping pay for medical or other expenses, or taking on the task of being an unpaid personal care attendant.

And that's a problem, and we need funding for services for disabled people so that they don't need to rely on their families, and families don't feel obligated to support their relatives.

However.

The responsibility, voluntarily undertaken, for helping a disabled relative, does not entitle anyone to override their relative's right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness based on how it affects their family members.

You have a right to withhold help from your disabled relatives. You do not have a right to use help you offer as a justification for killing or imprisoning them.

You do not have to pay your disabled relative's medical bills. You do not have a right to assume their medical debt, then kill them because the bills are piling up.

You do not have to act as your relative's caregiver. You do not have a right to volunteer as your relative's caregiver, then cite the difficulty of the task as a justification for imprisoning them in an institution.

Disabled people's right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is absolute. You have the right to not help us, but you do not have the right to imprison us or kill us.